


"Friendly" Suggestion

by roswyrm



Series: (Eric Andre Voice) What If It Was High School [3]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, Therapy, Yikes, i'm sorry i keep churning this shit out, it'll leave my system eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 13:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16348019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roswyrm/pseuds/roswyrm
Summary: The young man they're psychoanalysing, Bertrand MacGuffingham, needs a reality check. And also someseverehumbling.





	"Friendly" Suggestion

**Author's Note:**

> i have. Ideas. and i write them and then i just post them right then immediately. "oh im not gonna write a highschool au" SURPRISE SURPRISE, ROSWELL, THE PLOT GOBLINS AND THEIR SPOON RATTLING SAY OTHERWISE. Working Title: _Terrible Man (Thanks Once More, Alayna.)_

In another life, Bertie was a knight. Yes, that sounds right. In another life, Bertie was a brave knight, slaying dragons and wooing nice young men. He wore great big shiny armour bits (whatever they're called) and had a great big shiny sword and looked really cool all the time. Do-gooder and evil-slayer and all that.

As Harkness and Sphinx share a look, Bertie rather wishes he were living _that_ life, and not the one where he's stuck in a therapist's office. "Bertrand," says Harkness (Sphinx?), with a concerned wrinkle in his brow, "why _didn't_ you do anything?"

Bertie squints at him. Is he serious? He looks serious. _Is_ he serious? Oh, he's writing something down, he was serious. "Well," Bertie begins, not really sure how he's expected to finish, "I didn't know the man. He hadn't done anything for me recently, why should I do something for him? It would risk my entire persona! And utterly _ruin,_ hm? _Ruin_ my reputation! And what if they scuffed my shoes?" He sticks out a leg so they can see the very expensive sneakers he got for his birthday. They're _Italian._ "They're _Italian,_ Sphinx. Did you hear that, Harkness? _Italian."_

Harkness & Sphinx seem unimpressed. And that's fair, they're very cheap. Well, for Italian designer sneakers anyway. He knows one boy at school who has the exact same pair but in black instead of gold. And that boy is an idiot. Gold is obviously superior.

Sphinx (Harkness?) smiles and informs him, "That's very... illuminating, Bertie." Bertie nods and puts his foot back to its usual position: on the armrest of his couch. Sphinx continues, "I think what would really help would be for you to join some sort of extracurricular activity. A play, for example."

Harkness (Sphinx?) chimes in, "Maybe a sports team. A club, perhaps?"

Bertie rubs at his chin in the classic "thinking" pose that he always does when he's wondering how little of this advice he can follow and still get an allowance and repeats, "Perhaps. Did I tell you that I used to be on the lacrosse team?" 

Sphinx (the one on the right, so that's _probably_ Sphinx) sighs heavily. Harkness says, "Yes, Bertrand. You've mentioned that fact several times."

"Several times," repeats Sphinx, "but you haven't found a new activity to keep yourself occupied." Bertie shrugs. His watch beeps, and his hand is already turning the doorknob. "Wait a moment, Bertrand," directs Sphinx (maybe? they sound exactly the same and Bertie's turned away from him) in that calm voice Bertie hates so much. The short fellow, (whichever one it is) goes on, "We want you to join a club, okay?"

Harkness nods. "Sometime this month. We think it'll be good for you." Bertie nods solemnly.

After a moment of silence, has asks, "Can I go now?" because it seems as if they've forgotten. Harkness & Sphinx nod in unison (not as creepy as that one time he saw them write a note in precisely the same handwriting, perfectly spaced, without even looking at each other or the page) and Bertie bolts out the door like a shot. 

It's time to sit in his car and insult them where no one can hear him. And also insult everyone at the school for making terrible extracurriculars. Possibly at the same time. Bertie's very talented that way. Though, Bertie is talented in almost every way. _His amazingness knows no bounds,_ he muses as he wanders into the parking lot of Harkness Harkness Darkness  & Sphinx, _for he is truly the world's most incredible man._

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhghggh i forgot how much i hate him. like he's fun and all but i _hate_ him. next up is everybody's favourite small man: hamid saleh haroun al-tahan, theatre kid extraordinaire. check me out @roswell-the-wrongdoer where i die about this utter mcfucking asshole


End file.
